Updates on my life

1. I saw the Dark Knight. It is incredible, and if you haven't seen it then I'm not sure why we're still friends. If we're not friends, you now know why. Besides the fact that Christian Bale needs a Ricola really badly, I have nothing bad to say about that movie.

2. I have been rehearsing for the EBYACP charity show. It benefits the Daisy program in East Brunswick and Memorial School, so stop being a selfish prick and get your ass to that show on August 8th and 9th at 7 pm and August 10th at 2:30 pm.
-No jokes on this one, since they would be at the expense of the mentally handicapped or those affected by a fire.

3. My kids at camp have been rehearsing for our camp show, in which the third graders will present a grammy worthy performance of Hannah Montana's Who Said.
- I realize that the Disney channel is raising a homosexual generation. A group of boys suggested the Hannah Montana tune, they all love dancing to High School Musical songs and let's be honest, the Jonas Brothers are, in general, uber gay.

4. We are playing Rock Band and Mike's voice just cracked... This is a rare occurrence so I figured I would document it since I cannot sing and his small failure has boosted my confidence by a very small but nonetheless meaningful amount.

5. The Sox are breaking my balls... Pedroia had 2 on, 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs and flied out to center field. Asshole...I really wanted the game to be over before I left to go to the movies, but noooooo...

6. I got my mac laptop and I am on it right now. I take it all over the house, and have an unhealthy obsession with it.

7. This post was done in 5 minutes in between songs on Rock Band...Don't bitch about the lack of interesting subject matter or humor because I have nothing going on in my life besides boring everyday things. Are you female? Are you moderately to highly attractive? Help me change that. Pants optional...

Farming at Day Camp

I don't get it... Why has the timeless art of farming lost its relevance in society? The pungent smell of feces, the drowning and almost palpable stench of rotting cornmeal, the far from self-sufficient animals and the exhaustion-inducing work which yields minimal reward... What's not to love?!

Why rant? Well, as a camp counselor I have had to deal with a lot of shit. This is, however, the first time I have had to deal with actual shit... We went on a trip to the NJ museum of agriculture and I almost threw myself into the corn-husker.

We arrived at Cook College to giant signs alerting us of police training happening on the farm. There were helicopters hovering and cops running around doing training exercises. I had a small amount of hope that a stray bullet would connect with my foot and send me to the hospital. Not even the smell of death can rival what entered my nose at the farm.

We met our tour guides, a few of whom seemed normal and interesting. The rest, however, looked like the last ass they had even come close to was a donkey. Our tour was called, "Let's meet the sheep." It should have been called "Let's watch a video of a sheep get tagged by a farmer, stuck in a muddy gross pit and then sheered." And to top that, it was payed for by the NJ department of agriculture. Our tax dollars had contributed to my pain; I had never felt so betrayed. Why would you fund that cinematic divebomb? You should have to pay for them to not make that movie.

When we first saw the helicopters overhead, Steph (fellow counselor) and I thought that we were being attacked. I guess PETA finally got the funding for helicopters, and they had come to rescue the animals, because who else would attack a farm? Maybe a guy whose family had just been killed by mad cow disease...

As if this day wasn't bad enough, let's add the emotion of jealousy to the mix. I found out that in a house full of pregnant female pigs, there is just one boar. That lucky bastard! He rolls around in mud, eats food served to him fresh and then bangs 4-5 female pigs. Granted, they're not the best to look at (even for another pig) but I do this whole hygiene thing every day and make myself look good and I don't get as much as a dirty pig.

So after a long hot day of hand-seperating wool with a comb, petting cows and smelling every foul stench known to man I have learned a few thing:
1. Respect farmers
2. Stop complaining about your milk being sour or your meat being too fatty...just imagine the shit that someone went through so that you could have that steak.
3. I will never call a human being a pig again. Not even the world's most disgusting person can come close to being as gross as a pig

What the hell have I been up to?

Nothing...I got bored of posting on the blog. then, as I sat around tonight sorting music and eating cold chinese leftovers I realized that I am doing nothing productive at 11 o clock on most weeknights. In fact, cold leftovers and music is becoming a pretty beastly trend in my schedule for weeknights.

But, in my quest for productivity and change (and the requests of 4 people so far...), I have decided to revive the blog. So here it goes...

Details you may have missed since my last post

1. I graduated High School
2. I quit ShopRite
3. I am working as a camp counselor for 3rd graders at Irwin
4. I acquired the ability to fly, and then lost it...so don't ask me to do it!
5. I had a grad party, good times
6. I went to a bunch of grad parties, also good times
7. I discovered that potato chips are the cure for cancer. At least I am assuming this is true since I have eaten a lot of them these past few weeks and I'm still cancer free.

Reasons you should give a shit about what I've been up to:
I got nothin...

Ok, so this is just a post allerting you that it's back up and running. It's late, I'm tired. Go to sleep, because I am...You've hit rock bottom if the best thing for you to do right now is read this...so get some rest.

Absolutely fantastic

This video is absolutely fantastic. If you're in Drama, you'll love it and think it is the funniest thing you have seen in a long time. If you're not in Drama, you'll probably still laugh.


High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

Kendall Sheppard

So since my blog gets NO traffic...I have decided to check google trends for the top daily search and write a small piece on her.

KENDALL SHEPPARD: She blasted her current husband over his attitude towards fatherhood...non-existant.

I don't care about this at all. Why would I? Why would anyone? Who cares if her she has family problems, plenty of people have family problems and they don't deserve national acclaim.

They definitely don't deserve to be the hottest google search of the day.

But I do! So there, I've written my blog on Kendall Sheppard. KENDALL SHEPPARD.

Kendall SheppardKendall Sheppard...

Now maybe somone will visit my blog.

Free Ice Cream!!!!

The following is neither funny, nor is it going to touch you or apply to your life in any way. Unless your name is Mike Solomon. Let's begin:

Mike and I left Chili's after a delicious meal of honey-chipotle chicken crispers with Kyle, Andy and Jon. We ventured over to Magnificos to pay our good friend Becca a visit and possibly indulge in some tasty frozen treats. We would soon find out that the treat, would not come from a soft-serve machine, but from the woman in line behind us.

I HATE CHANGE

So I decided I did not want ice cream because I would have to break my $20 bill. We prepared to leave when the angel first spoke.

"I will pay for your ice cream." Said the mysterious yet attractive older woman behind us.

At first we refused; it was a rediculous request. We do nothing for you but hold you up in line and now you pay for our ice cream? Bullshit...she can't be serious.

She was friggen serious... Not only was she willing to pay for our treats, she insisted that she pay from them because she "believes in karma." So after a long discussion with her in which we learned that she went to EBHS and is 42 years old, we accepted the ice cream and she payed for a $17 order with $25 and then left in her gorgeous corvette. Mike, Becca and I stood in shock, unable to speak for a good minute until our FREE ICE CREAM began to melt onto our hands and grab our attention.

So now Mike and I have decided to "pay it forward" and will be doing something nice for three more people the next time an opportunity arises. Or we might forget about it and just remember this story for what it was: a milf bought us ice cream, overtipped Becca and then drove away, inspiring us to be better people (or at least to go to Magnificos on Monday nights).

Top 5 Ways to Tell that School is sooo Over

1. When your forensics class has watched so much CSI that the entire class gets upset at the death of Warrick Brown because of their emotional connection to him.

2. When Bo Henning takes our entire gym class to the aerobics room to watch the US Open because not even he can deal with school and the heat anymore. Even gym class is a strain...

3. When you are watching a movie in Anatomy and Physiology, and your teacher has finally gone crazy and tied off your labs with green ribbon to celebrate her retirement.

4. When your psychology class does presentations on food, cinema and yoga therapy after watching 4 movies in a row.

5. When you get a 10/10 on an english timed writing that you wrote about Stephen Daedelas's "snatch of poetry" and how his struggle made it "hard out here for a pimp."

Secret Word of the Day: Police
If you hear anyone say the secret word (or if it is written on their car) run up to them and scream in their face and wave your arms, like in Pee Wee's playhouse. Then comment the results.