Being Jesse Marino

I will now type every thought that enters my head until I feel like stopping. This experimentation into my stream of consciousness may be the greatest individual contribution to psychology since the discovery of the unconscious mind. It will probably be crap, though...

Begin
How did my parents let me listen to Eminem as a child? Did they even listen to the lyrics? Does DMX talk like he raps? If he does, I'm sure he carries some ricola everywhere he goes. Even my DMX impression leaves me coughing blood. I don't get why Eminem is asking the real Slim Shady to stand up. He's really just being an ass to a room full of people, since he's the one who should be standing. Ya'll gonna make me lose my mind... Up in here. Up in here.

Why am I listening to songs that were cool 10 years ago? I don't know...maybe because I like to reminisce. I am a Blue Hen next year. Absorb that. Your mascot is a "Killer" or a "Blue Devil." I am a chicken. And not a male chicken, like a rooster, I am a Hen. I lay eggs and then get my head chopped off and served for dinner. Did colleges get into a room and draw names of mascots out of a hat. Delaware has crap luck.

Dr. Dre is not dead, Eminem is a liar. I saw him at an awards show a few months ago. Citizen Kane sucks. If it wasn't built up so much it would be good, but everyone poos themselves over how influential and important it is. I get it, and I appreciate it, but Orson Welles was just a cocky guy who tried a bunch of stuff that in any other arena would have had him labeled a dumbass, but because he got lucky he's the "Boy Genius." Now he's a fat dead genius. Actually, he's seen a good amount of decomposing by now so I'm sure his figure has improved.

Phil made a pun about blogs. I wish more people read this. I GET IT. We are all Slim Shady in some way. Eminen is deep, man...

Next Song. Green Day mashed up with Nelly... This is one of those things that sounds like a terrible idea and it's actually damn good. Kind of like tabasco sauce on Ice Cream. Yea I've done it...don't judge.

Art therapy is stupid. "I drew a Dog." Well, that means you have sexual frustration because a dog is a very sexual, masculine animal. I want to go up to an art therapist and draw a picture of something rediculous. I'll probably end up in a mental insititution for my rendition of, "Barney and Bee-Bop making love." I'm honestly curious what that would represent...

Go listen to Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, they're amazing. I bitched at my mom for a half hour about how much I hate turkey, and then the turkey she made for dinner was the best I have ever had. God has shafted me again, and all I can do now is look forward to the day we sit up in heaven and laugh at all of the things he did to me.

Done.

GO AHEAD, QUOTE ME: I usually don't like ketchup, but this is really good ketchup. Just the perfect blend of tomatoes and the blood of the innocent.