The Philosophical Meditations of a ShopRite Cashier

Today at ShopRite I realized how many rediculous things come into my head while working. The following list is from ONE four hour shift on register.

1. Some woman bought about $200 worth of cat food, but no sustenance for herself. She visits the store and does this at least every other week, leading me to believe that she fattens her cats up and then consumes them. Either that or she really likes Fancy Feast.

2. Someone had a "Stop genocide shirt." I think we should start slower than that. For example, try "Yield Genocide" first and then break out the "Stop Genocide" shirts.

3. As i was walking down an aisle for my break, the golden gates of cleavage opened up in aisle 4. Two girls lined up parallel to one another at the end of a line and apparently both wanted something from the bottom shelf, thus confusing my occipital lobe as I tried to decide which way to look. So I just stared straight forward at the Appetizing sign over the deli counter.

4. A woman came to my line and asked me to stop when her order was "below $150." If I didn't need this job, I would have refused to ring up her order because it was under $150 already. Or I could have kept telling her her total until reaching $150, and then rung up her remaining groceries really fast.

5. I saw the back of a shirt that said "It's in our blood." I then spent a good amount of time contemplating funny things for the front of the shirt to say. Some examples are:
AIDS
Hepatitus
Shrapnel
Antibodies
Platelets

6. I have discovered why America is fat. At the snack bar, a whole cheese pizza costs less than a personal garden salad.

7. I love how the serving size for oreos is like, 4 cookies. Everyone knows the only reason they made 3 sleeves in each package is so you can eat one sleeve per sitting...

8. A sign upstairs said "Talk to us about furthering your ShopRite career." It could just as well have said, "Given up on college? Olive Garden won't hire you? Come on in!"

9. Someone assumed that because bagels are baked goods, it would be ok to leave a half eaten bagel on the rack with the Hostess cakes.

10. Keeping with Phil's idea of only eating Enteman's once he reaches 80 years of age, I have decided to only eat celery. We will then know which kills you faster, obesity or malnourishment.